The Food Texter

I’ve never been too into sports but decided it would be a good idea to have some knowledge and go to sports bars, where the ratio of men to women is a lot better than a night at the W.  I decided supporting la raza would be an easy entrée, so I became a fanatica of the World Cup.  My friend Federico thought it would be a good way to meet my girlfriends, so he volunteered to meet me at Bomberos, a wonderful South American wine bar, to watch the games live.  How fabulous to have a mimosa and watch Mexico and el chicharito score goooooool after gol, even if it was at 7 a.m…  And soccer players have amazing bodies!   

Before work one morning I went to a spot closer to work, an English pub called the George and Dragon.  I got there before Federico and recognized another friend at the bar.  It was early and I hadn’t had enough coffee, so I went to the bar and threw my purse down next to him and in a sassy tone asked,  "beer before 7 a.m.?”  When he turned to look over at me my heart stopped!  It wasn’t my friend, but a stranger….  Not one to judge a nice drink before breakfast, I was mortified.   I politely excused myself and assured this new, handsome, man that I was not judging him and I really did think he was a friend!  Thankfully, Federico arrived and I shared my embarrassment to him.  He told me I missed my golden opportunity to hit on this handsome man.  “Before coffee?,” I asked.    I had never flirted at that hour of the morning.    Federico assured me there was nothing sexier than a girl asking a guy out, but I just couldn’t do it.  Mexico won and I raced back to work to make my meeting.

The next week, Mexico played again on a Sunday.  After watching the game at Bomberos, we decided to go to the Vig for Sunday Funday.  I was at the bar when I saw him walk in!  The guy from the George and Dragon had to have walked back in for a reason.  It was fate.  Federico was with me and told me I had to take my opportunity because second chances don’t happen often.  I put my YSL lip gloss on and walked to the end of the bar.  I went up to the mysterious caramel colored man and said, “still drinking beer before 8 a.m.?”  His face lit up and we started chatting.  He told me he had shared that story with his buddies and was glad to see me again.  I told him it must be fate.  Roberto gave me his number.  Walking up to a guy was tough enough, but I wasn’t about to make the first call.  I told Roberto he would have to call me and gave him my number and we said goodbye. 

Moments later, while I was waiting for my car outside, Roberto texted me that he would like to have dinner that week.  We made plans and he was called away and had to re-schedule.  What could be so important that you have to reschedule a first date?  With me!  So we texted back and forth trying to set another date.  In the meantime, I had a girlfriend’s weekend in Las Vegas and told Roberto that the weekend would not work because I would be partying like a rock star in Sin City.  After lunch with a friend, I got a text from Roberto, so I opened it to show my friend.  It was a picture.  I was intrigued.  I opened it to see a picture of a barbecue with grilled meat.  Interesting…..  but  why? 

When I got back from Vegas, after a delay at the airport which meant I got to watch Spain vs. Germany at an airport bar, I got another text picture from Roberto…. I couldn’t quite make it out, but it looked like a cracked egg, on a sushi plate?  With no explanation, I could only wonder.  But then I wondered why the hell he was sending me these pictures.  Was I missing something? 

Ever mindful that I am “too picky,” I decided to respond to the food texter, but was too freaked out to meet him alone.  My girlfriends were intrigued, so I invited him to a happy hour.  We met at Modern Steak and had a few cocktails before food texter arrived.  He was handsome, but he kept checking his phone.  I tried to talk to him, but wasn’t sure what to say.  How was the egg/sushi?  Did your meat turn out ok?  My girlfriends had had enough of happy hour and wanted to switch venues.  I didn’t want to bring the texter with us, so we said we were tired and had to go.  We were practically sprinting out the door…  I never thought I would hear from him again, but by the time we went to the next bar he had texted me to say he had a wonderful evening….  I didn’t reply and never received another picture of a food.   

Online dating????

After a failed long-term relationship, a broken engagement and another certain declaration of “I’ve finally found the one!” who, surprise, turned out not to be the one, I was persuaded to dive into the world of online dating by my happily coupled girlfriends.  A handful of examples of real success stories convinced me that I had nothing to lose.  I knew my wonderful non-single girlfriends only desired my happiness… That and a sadistic curiosity to see – from a distance - just what it would be like to cyber date.

I joined the popular site that assures you matches based on compatibility.  The site that preys on the lonely by offering discounts on that chocolate, candy heart, greeting card, marketers dream holiday.  Sheer evil…   

I started my foray by answering a lot of questions and putting up a profile.  I had not paid for a membership yet so I couldn’t see anyone’s pictures and no one could see mine.  I went on every few days and looked at the matches that requested communication.  My co-workers told me I was being too picky and critical just because someone spelled “there” wrong.  Note to self, trust your instinct on that one.  I opened a few and saved them for when I was ready to pay the fee and give it a real try.  I opted for a three month subscription and was now ready to see pictures, and have others see mine.

I went back to one of the more interesting profiles from a man in Scottsdale who liked to travel the world, like me, and read literature.  He also wanted children, just like me.  Pictureless “match” liked to exercise and take care of himself and wanted a partner to join him on his journey, and he wanted to communicate with me!  I clicked on his profile and a picture of my 2^nd grade classmate came up.  I thought there must have been a mistake, and then I realized, the spelling bee champ was reaching out to me…  The class genius, who I went to school with from the time we were seven until we graduated from high school…  The one whose best friend happened to be dating my friend and the two of them were plotting re-introducing us after all those years.   I couldn't do it.

My best friend told me I had to give one of them a chance, so I opened up the site to show her my new matches.  I hadn’t seen the lovely gentleman who were not only matched through scientific chemistry, but then wanted to communicate and take it a step further.  I opened a profile and saw that my match was adventurous.  He had a Christmas tree covered in Star Wars figures... as a  profile picture…  There was a picture of him opening his blazer to show a Superman shirt underneath.  “I’m really being too picky?” I asked.  I scrolled to the next picture and saw my “match” dressed in his Storm Trooper costume.  I admit my girlfriends and I like to don colorful wigs when we’re together and go out, but would we put that as our profile picture when we’re trying to meet Mr. Right?   

I didn't renew my subscription.